A Neanderthal Hypothesis
Oh hi everybody,
As many of you know I have long had an interest in paleontology. In the late 90s, I even came up with the hypothesis that Neanderthals interbred with hobosapiens.
My contemporaries (those at my religious middle school) doubted my insight. But, it didn’t make sense to me that such near ancestors would have been cast aside by our forbearers. They must have been welcomed into the fold. How that may have come about, was lost on my pre-pubescent mind.
However, recent years of DNA sequencing have confirmed the youthful hypothesis. Did I receive credit from the team led by Svante Pääbo from the Max Planck Institute? I did not.
With the confirmation, I’ve come to consider the far-reaching aspects of my hypothesis. Perhaps there’s further insight we can gleen from our connection to Neanderthals. Maybe then I could get credit when I’m proved right ten years from now.
Yet, how can the Neanderthal connection explain current culture? What aspects of the culture could it explain? Sure it may have connections to skin and hair color, behavioral traits, skull shape, and Type 2 diabetes. And that’s saying nothing of the higher reporting of the pain of folks with Neanderthal DNA (Learn more from PBS).
But what about other aspects of what might connect to our ancient ancestors? If I’m going to come up with a theory, I need to start with the data. TO THE MAPS!
https://www.britannica.com/topic/Neanderthal
Having consulted the maps, I had a better idea of where Neanderthals were in the world. Despite this, I was no closer to a theory. The next step, is TO THE MUSEUM!
As my membership to the Museum of Natural History expires at the end of February (see my yet-to-be-written article regarding the best museums for membership, dates, and easy bathroom access), I needed to head in. Luckily there was an elephant exhibit that provided further insight into Neanderthals.
Within this informative exhibit was a section on the history of Neanderthal and the wooly mammoth. Homasapians and the elephant, neanderthals, and the wooly mammoth, a parallel of intrigued as I took in the informative display articulations.
Neanderthals built a structure out of wooly mammoth bones? That’s pretty metal.
They lived and worked there. They could have made music in there! Imagine the first homosapiens coming across a village full of bone huts and then thinking “We need to hang out with these folks.”
Or imagine you go to your cousin’s house and they’ve decided to finally remove all their sports memorabilia and replace it with bones. You’d feel uncomfortable staying. I’m just saying homosapiens haven’t always made the best choices.
But then it hit me: what if they did make music there and that aesthetic has stuck around influencing artistic works from our DNA? What if the prevalence of metal bands could be connected to Neanderthal DNA?!
I rushed home to check online sources (Learn more here). Fortunately, a quick search of the impeccably researched page found no references to metal music.
Back to THE DATA:
The glacial makeup of the world ~40,000 years ago pushed our most metal cousins to the lower parts of Europe before they began taking their strong aesthetic choices around the world, not unlike a multi-country metal band tour.
https://www.sapiens.org/archaeology/neanderthal-dispersal/
Some of you might find yourself doubting my hypothesis. I would caution you as my prior hypothesis, as a minor [I’d remind you] was spot on. Plus, sit with it for a second, it FEELS true. Like, name one metal band that wouldn’t jump at a chance to play a concert in a stadium made of bones.
Indeed it’s all coming together. One could argue that brutalist architecture could also find a link back to our mammoth-obsessed cousins. However, I’ve got other things to focus on (mostly related to dinosaurs). I have to leave something for the scientist to prove.
Shows:
How Was It Storytelling - March 2
How Was It Storytelling - March 16
WE LOVE A THEME ((n Full Bloom) at Pete’s Candy Store - April 23
Mattsplaining:
This past week on Mattsplaining, I spoke to Robyn Dirk Of Two Empty Passports about slow travel and advocated for stopping at every roadside attraction you can.
This upcoming week, I speak to Alyse McGuigan (@alysemcg), about her expertise: The Bachelor. I come up with the perfect idea to make the show perfect.
I appreciate you and your reading of this set of words very much. Thank you.
Respectfully yours,
Matthew Storrs